This is an “R” rated blog, but you should read it anyway.

R stands for reality…

If you were making a true-to-life movie about the horrors of terrorism it would be impossible to keep it “suitable for all audiences.” It is just as impossible for me to write an accurate account about my experiences in state custody while keeping it “G” rated.

If you’re reading this, chances are good that you are a foster care alumni, adoptee, or simply among the abused looking for someone who can relate…

…or someone trying to relate to a person in those categories.

This is an “R” rated blog. I’m not sorry if you stumbled across it or see something that makes you uncomfortable. In fact, I want you to feel a little uncomfortable so that you can finally get what you came here for….

The ability to relate.

For the half million American children living in state custody, life is anything but a Disney story. In fact, more than a few of our childhood memories are well beyond “NC-17” and closer to illegal, dark web pornography.

Too often I think, we gloss over history to make it palatable to an orthodox society that claims to want to understand it’s unorthodox side. How can you truly understand it that way?

Consider 9/11 2001: What did you see on the news? How did it make you feel to SEE innocents being hurt? Was there a difference in your reactions to that and the moment you learned about the pearl harbor attack in a toned down grade school book? If your experience was anything like mine, 9/11 was quite a bit more real. Why?

Like many Americans, I watched the day’s horror unfold from a tv. I didn’t see the planes hit but I saw the buildings fall. When the film reenactments came it was just as difficult to absorb. A firsthand portrayal of hijackers playing on the trust of people who were frightened into submission resonated with me. My jaw clenched, my hands tightened to fists and I was ready to fight injustice.

Such is life and its dark and twisted reality. It is one thing for me to tell you that I was raped, it is entirely another for me to tell you exactly what happened, how it made me feel and how that effected the rest of my life.

This I hope will be your source for truth, understanding and eventually… peace. That is my hope for this blog. That depending on who you are, you may find someone who understands what you’re feeling and can give insight..

or if on the outside – you might finally see the world through the eyes of the tormented souls you wish to understand.


– the Secondhand Child

Licensed use of film. #1520